Are you constantly dealing with your partner's jealousies and
insecurities? Are they constantly assuming the worst and accusing you of
flirting, or even worse, cheating? Are these jealousies slowly
destroying your relationship? This is one of the key "relationship
destroyers" that I see wreck a promising relationship time and again.
Unless you have actually given your partner a reason to doubt you,
jealousy is your partner's problem, not yours. Jealousy, at it's root,
stems from insecurity. If someone was secure that their lover would
never stray, they would have no reason to be jealous.
Since jealousy is a personal issue that stems from personal insecurity, there is absolutely nothing you can do to solve the problem unless your lover recognizes it and takes committed action to solving it. Unless your partner is serious about solving their jealousies, they will continue to suffer from it and steadily ruin the relationship.
First thing you should do is sit down and discuss your partner's jealousies with them. If you are blameless and have done nothing to stir the jealousy, you have to make it clear to them that their jealousy is hurting the relationship, and that you are willing to help them with it, but they must take concrete steps to control it. I've been there before on both sides of the issue. In an earlier relationship years ago, the girl I was dating was older than me and more sexually experienced, so I was the one who was jealous of her and interrogating her about her previous lovers. At the time I didn't realize how damaging my behavior was. It didn't destroy the relationship on its own, but it was a major contributor. Only later when I had a girlfriend who was less experienced than I was and exhibited the same kind of jealous behavior that I had, did I see what my ex must have been going through. In the end the insecurities did us in, but there was nothing I could do- no amount of logic or conversation could have alleviated her insecurities- it was only something she could do on her own.
In conclusion, the best advice to someone who is dealing with an irrationally jealous lover is to speak with them directly about their behavior and about the limits of what you are willing to deal with and make a plan with them to change. If they are not amenable to discussion, it's time to cut the chord because honestly, the relationship is doomed to failure.
Since jealousy is a personal issue that stems from personal insecurity, there is absolutely nothing you can do to solve the problem unless your lover recognizes it and takes committed action to solving it. Unless your partner is serious about solving their jealousies, they will continue to suffer from it and steadily ruin the relationship.
First thing you should do is sit down and discuss your partner's jealousies with them. If you are blameless and have done nothing to stir the jealousy, you have to make it clear to them that their jealousy is hurting the relationship, and that you are willing to help them with it, but they must take concrete steps to control it. I've been there before on both sides of the issue. In an earlier relationship years ago, the girl I was dating was older than me and more sexually experienced, so I was the one who was jealous of her and interrogating her about her previous lovers. At the time I didn't realize how damaging my behavior was. It didn't destroy the relationship on its own, but it was a major contributor. Only later when I had a girlfriend who was less experienced than I was and exhibited the same kind of jealous behavior that I had, did I see what my ex must have been going through. In the end the insecurities did us in, but there was nothing I could do- no amount of logic or conversation could have alleviated her insecurities- it was only something she could do on her own.
In conclusion, the best advice to someone who is dealing with an irrationally jealous lover is to speak with them directly about their behavior and about the limits of what you are willing to deal with and make a plan with them to change. If they are not amenable to discussion, it's time to cut the chord because honestly, the relationship is doomed to failure.
No comments:
Post a Comment