Many people come into online dating with such a negative attitude that it reflects in their profiles, interactions and consequently their success. Particularly those men who come with preconceived ideas about 'what women want', in a negative sense, often shoot themselves in the foot. Two of the most common complaints I've heard are: 'girls only want hot guys' and 'they are only interested in the photo'. So before we start crafting your online profile, let's take a moment to see what psychological studies have found about how women act online. You don't have to take just my word for it.
Psychology has also been trying to work out what women want. Foire and Donath (2005) focused on what women considered 'attractive' in an online profile. What they found was that it wasn't if the men were good looking. Rather, women were more attracted to older more educated men with higher levels of self-confidence. Clearly, women do not just want hot guys. '
Further studies by Foire et al. (2008) indicate that it's not just the photograph that makes for an attractive profile. For a profile to be judged as above average in attractiveness, it needed an appealing self-summary along with a photo. So you need both a decent representation of yourself in picture and writing.
But do you want the real secret about what women Really Want? Hah! Honey, it's relative.
To investigate what people were really looking for (as opposed to what they claimed to be looking for), Hitsch, et al. (2010) followed the choices of thousands of online daters. Then they listed what most women preferred in different categories.
Age: Women prefer men their age or within 9 years older. Slightly younger was ok, but less preferred, but and anything within the range of 10 or more years younger or older was bad territory.
Looks: While both men and women preferred better-looking partners, men have a much stronger preference about looks than women. (So there - who's saying women were the ones wanting hot partners?)
Weight: Women had a very different preference regarding weight than men in that they preferred partners with a higher BMI (Body Mass Index) than their own, but disliked men with a lower BMI. However, again men have a much stronger preference about weight than women. (And you wonder why we are self-conscious about our weight!)
Height: No preference was shown for absolute heights of potential partners, it was all relative. Women preferred men who were taller than them, and were not interested in men shorter. (So short men, you don't have to despair, you just need to find someone shorter than yourself.)
Income: Income preference was on an absolute level, not a relative one (unlike height). Men and women both preferred a high-income partner over a low-income one, though this preference is stronger in women. The largest increase in being contacted was in the $50k - $75k range, and smaller increases from then on.
Education: Both men and women showed a preference for partners with a similar level of education, regardless of what that level was.
Occupation: This had a strong influence on women's preferences. Using 'student' as a baseline, the study found that the top four occupations were 'Legal/Attorney', then 'Law Enforcement/Fire fighter', then 'Military' and finally the health professions. Obviously it's not just about your pay packet, though a uniform appears to help.
Race: While it might feel politically incorrect to say, in both men and women there was a same-race preference, though it was more pronounced in women.
Similarity: Finally, in other aspects such as marital status, type of relationship goals, smoking etc., there was a preference for similarity. If the woman was a smoker, she preferred smokers, etc.
Based on this evidence, it is not reliable to say 'all women want...' because a lot of it is relative to their situation. So you first need to work out who your ideal woman is to find out if you might be her ideal man and how to show her this.
Psychology has also been trying to work out what women want. Foire and Donath (2005) focused on what women considered 'attractive' in an online profile. What they found was that it wasn't if the men were good looking. Rather, women were more attracted to older more educated men with higher levels of self-confidence. Clearly, women do not just want hot guys. '
Further studies by Foire et al. (2008) indicate that it's not just the photograph that makes for an attractive profile. For a profile to be judged as above average in attractiveness, it needed an appealing self-summary along with a photo. So you need both a decent representation of yourself in picture and writing.
But do you want the real secret about what women Really Want? Hah! Honey, it's relative.
To investigate what people were really looking for (as opposed to what they claimed to be looking for), Hitsch, et al. (2010) followed the choices of thousands of online daters. Then they listed what most women preferred in different categories.
Age: Women prefer men their age or within 9 years older. Slightly younger was ok, but less preferred, but and anything within the range of 10 or more years younger or older was bad territory.
Looks: While both men and women preferred better-looking partners, men have a much stronger preference about looks than women. (So there - who's saying women were the ones wanting hot partners?)
Weight: Women had a very different preference regarding weight than men in that they preferred partners with a higher BMI (Body Mass Index) than their own, but disliked men with a lower BMI. However, again men have a much stronger preference about weight than women. (And you wonder why we are self-conscious about our weight!)
Height: No preference was shown for absolute heights of potential partners, it was all relative. Women preferred men who were taller than them, and were not interested in men shorter. (So short men, you don't have to despair, you just need to find someone shorter than yourself.)
Income: Income preference was on an absolute level, not a relative one (unlike height). Men and women both preferred a high-income partner over a low-income one, though this preference is stronger in women. The largest increase in being contacted was in the $50k - $75k range, and smaller increases from then on.
Education: Both men and women showed a preference for partners with a similar level of education, regardless of what that level was.
Occupation: This had a strong influence on women's preferences. Using 'student' as a baseline, the study found that the top four occupations were 'Legal/Attorney', then 'Law Enforcement/Fire fighter', then 'Military' and finally the health professions. Obviously it's not just about your pay packet, though a uniform appears to help.
Race: While it might feel politically incorrect to say, in both men and women there was a same-race preference, though it was more pronounced in women.
Similarity: Finally, in other aspects such as marital status, type of relationship goals, smoking etc., there was a preference for similarity. If the woman was a smoker, she preferred smokers, etc.
Based on this evidence, it is not reliable to say 'all women want...' because a lot of it is relative to their situation. So you first need to work out who your ideal woman is to find out if you might be her ideal man and how to show her this.
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